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What You Identify With Might Be Holding You Back

Today I discuss why some of us feel like we can never get better, how it is actually our fault, and what we could start to do about it try to make things better.
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As was common for most students my age then who were at the stage of our lives where we were at the start of trying to figure things out, I had found myself stuck in a cycle of self-inflicted misery. Today, I feel much better than before, and feel like I have become a better person.

I come to realize that one of the key things holding back our progress is our idea of identity.

Identity is what defines us. It is what we characterize ourselves as. Thus, it may be possible that we identify ourselves with negative attributes. 

This becomes a problem because becoming better can be seen as making ourselves “not ourselves anymore”; By identifying ourselves with a negative attribute, we are making counterproductive efforts to get rid of that attribute and become better, because every improvement is seen as us “losing ourselves”, forgetting that we are ourselves to define.

Should we identify ourselves to be negative individuals with negative thoughts and negative value, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and vicious cycle, reinforcing to ourselves the notion that we are of negative value; We impose upon ourselves a self-inflicted "barrier of misery", and though we might be inclined to blame the world and our external circumstances, it is in actuality ourselves that are holding us back from changing for the better.

Understanding this, how might we act to improve the aforementioned situations to better attain personal growth?

I have two suggestions. 

A problem well stated is a problem half-solved. Thus, we must first acknowledge and recognize our current identity. From personal experience, by journaling or writing reflections, one can essentially "capture" who we were before. This solves the "identity crisis" by helping us to not feel like “we are losing ourselves” by becoming better, as we now have an “archive” or who we were, to be able to look back in the future to see growth in retrospect. By being honest with ourselves in documenting our reflections, this frees us to rebuild our identities without the irrational fear of “forgetting who we were before” (since we “weren't always this way”).

Next, we should begin to peg our identity to a positive attribute instead. This would allow us to reidentify and redefine ourselves against our strengths instead of weaknesses that further allow for their development. This change of mindset is the first but important step in working toward becoming who we want to be and to start to be proud of our identity and character.
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